Doggerel
Preamble
As I progressed through the various classes as one eventually does I eventually graduated into Class 3. The instructor was the indomitable Ann Cook – the Chief Instructor and a force to be reckoned with. Thankfully Ann had a delightful but rather caustic sense of humour not necessarily appreciated by all.
On one occasion when the whole class was performing badly Ann had us tie our dogs to the fence and practice some of the finer arts of obedience with “imaginary” dogs.
I happened to glance to the oval boundary where I spied an old fella leaning against the railing looking rather strangely at about 12 or so of us folk out in the middle distance giving instruction to non-existent dogs. I have often wondered about the conversation that took place when he went home.
(Tony is Tony Mann who spent much of his time video recording the various events that the Club organised.)
Dogless
Sometimes when all fails to go right
An instructor – you know who – gets ready to bite
“Go tie your doggies to the fence over there”
We return under a look that’s a withering glare
Then with no dog we will gaily tread
And listen to instructions from she ‘who we dread’
For it seems we have problems with our left and right feet
Since doggie won’t do when both feet should meet
So left, right, left and drop we go
And by golly, no doggie not on lead does so
It works – oh! great instructor sublime
How do you know these things so divine?
Our dogs give an audible chuff from the side
Man’s best friend, ha! what a hide
But I hear Ralph’s jests – I’m sure it’s not me
Must be her beside me she’s all at sea
I saw a stranger arrive during one of these events
He watched, shook head and leaned harder on fence
“Just what are they doing?” I could hear him ponder
He thought we’d gone balmy and he wandered off yonder
I wonder if Tony got this on his cam
Now that would be create a right royal scam
The Club, full of half-wits with no dogs attached
The community should hide and leave no door unlatched
PRH (alias Ralph)
October 1999