Humour
First Place Winner
Pack of dogs attacking a crocodile near Cairns
At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty.
The crocodile, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the “apex predator”, can still fall victim to implemented ‘team work’ strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and “survival of the pack” mentality bred into the canines.
See the remarkable photograph below, taken near Cairns in the North of Queensland, courtesy of Nature Magazine (Aust).
Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the croc’ preventing it from breathing, while another dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from thrashing. The third dog attacks the soft underbelly of the croc’.
Cats & Dogs
Excerpts from a dog's diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a cat's diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now................
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
- Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
- Border Collie : Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
- Dachshund : You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
- Rottweiler: Make me
- Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
- Labrador: Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeze, please, please, please!
- German Shepherd : I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark; checked to make sure I haven't missed any; and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no-one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
- Jack Russell : I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
- Old English Sheepdog: Light bulb? Is there a light bulb?
- Cocker Spaniel : Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
- Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb (or "we don't need no stinking light bulb")
- Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all of the light bulbs in a circle.....
- Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.